The Anxiety of Waiting
And the almost-satisfying grief of rejection
Last time: My Stupid Mental Health (for paying subscribers)
“Nobody, nobody cares if you're a writer, except you. If you want to be a writer, then you have to take control of the situation. You have to think of yourself as a writer, you have to treat yourself as a writer.” -Kate Baer (interview on Write Like a Mother)
I am terrible at waiting. I think most of us are. But my impatience never shows itself as much as when I’m waiting for an email related to my writing. Entering a contest, applying for a fellowship, querying literary agents. The stress is real.
But I’m not anxious about rejection because I know the rejection is coming.
Rejection is part of the process. They say. Develop a thick skin. As a writer, you will face mountains of rejection, more rejection than acceptance—a truth that has been ingrained in me since my first creative writing class. So I spent the first half of 2022 toughening up my skin by putting myself out there again.
Now I get to re-experience the anxiety of waiting, a hell so bad that it makes me wish for the quick grief of rejection. I mean, I’d rather just know. Quick rejection over long periods of waiting is my preference. Usually.
More walks. More caffeine. More reading. All with one eye on that quiet inbox.
If I’m not anxious about rejection, that must mean I’m waiting for the good news. Despite the last several years of loss and grief and dystopian-level hellscapes, I’m still hopeful. How does that happen? How did I find the audacity to keep writing anyway?
This is all my long way of saying I have nothing new to report. Instead of a writing prompt, I made a list of five new books out this year that I have read and love. They aren’t all murder/crime books! I know, I surprised myself here, too.
5 Favorite Books of 2022 (so far)
Like a Sister by Kellye Garrett
Bookshop description: “In this "tense, twisting mystery" (Megan Miranda), no one bats an eye when a Black reality TV star is found dead--except her estranged half-sister, whose refusal to believe the official story leads her on a dangerous search for the truth.”
Book blurb: “Book Lovers is a rom-com lover's dream of a book. It is razor-sharp and modern, featuring a fierce heroine who does not apologize for her ambition and heartfelt discussions of grief. Readers know that Emily Henry never fails to deliver great banter and a romance to swoon over but this may just be her best yet. A breath of fresh air.” —Taylor Jenkins Reid
Notes on an Execution by Danya Kukafka
Teaser: “In the tradition of Long Bright River and The Mars Room, a gripping and atmospheric work of literary suspense that deconstructs the story of a serial killer on death row, told primarily through the eyes of the women in his life--from the bestselling author of Girl in Snow.”
Make Me Disappear by Jessica Payne
Book description: “Make Me Disappear is a brilliantly twisty psychological thriller guaranteed to keep you up all night. Fans of The Wife Between Us, Gone Girl and The Couple Next Door will find it impossible to put down.”
Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho
Description: “A witty, warm, and irreverent book that traces the lives of two young Taiwanese American women as they navigate friendship, sexuality, identity, and heartbreak over two decades.”
Note: I’m an affiliate of Bookshop.org and earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
Have a great rest of June! Thank you for being here, friends.
I wonder about the collective damage that is piled onto our psyche from rejections. Despite the “that’s the way it is” acceptance of the industry, do the rejections make us better writers, stronger humans, or battered and traumatized from 10, 50, 200 people saying “I’m not interested in you”? There’s a ton of heroic messages about recovering from a rejection and waking up the next day and writing more, but perhaps we need to address the personal effects 100 rejections have on us as humans. At the end of it all, are we better, or are we battered?
Thanks for laying it out so plainly... sometimes there's nothing new but rejections. Love that you can share that in-between space, it makes me feel better.