The Suspense is Killing Me

Coping strategies that don't include crunches

Last time: It’s Okay to Feel Proud (for paid subscribers)

Photo by Reuben Juarez on Unsplash

“It isn’t your anger that will make you good at this job. It is your joy.”—Deanna Raybourn, Killers of a Certain Age

It’s May! The spring semester is over, swim season is about to start, and I have a new office at work. I’m exhausted thinking about it all.

Let’s get the updates out of the way:

• I have no updates. No news. But I’m hopeful and full of nervous, excited energy for whatever is next.

• I am checking my email about 20 times a day (lowball estimate), but trying to cut back to only 17 times a day. Re: the first bullet point.

• I’m writing something new. So far it is about dive bars, sisters, genetics, ghost tours, and burlesque dancers. The usual.

While I hang out in the weird limbo of waiting for updates and news, I’ve found a few coping strategies to share. Remember that this is a no judgment zone. If I want to make a cake every day and eat it all, that’s my business.

Books, flamingos, lots of coffee

Coping with Waiting Strategy 1: Stay busy

Things I could do to keep myself busy (and distracted from checking my messages): prepare for a new semester, immerse myself in a new project, wear myself out with yard work.

What I’m actually doing: taking pictures of the book I’m supposed to reread for work (see above), drinking a lot of coffee, and double checking the settings on my phone to make sure my notifications are turned on. Again.

Coping with Waiting Strategy 2: Drawing

All jokes aside, I doodle the most when things feel either off balance or incomplete in my world. A period of waiting means I’ll be doodling a lot this summer.

It brings me a little joy and a little peace. I’m pretty sure I used to draw dresses over and over when I was little, so I’m one step away from that old pleasure. Back when I never hesitated to think of myself as an Artist or a Writer.

This feels like a good time to give a shoutout to Wendy McNaughton, whose newsletter, Draw Together with Wendy Mac, has been one of my favorite parts of the internet for the last year.

She says, “Nobody sees the world like you see it. Nobody else notices what you notice and makes the same marvelous meaning of it that you do. Nobody else imagines and dreams and takes the time to make that all into something like you do. That is what makes you an artist. That’s your gift to the world. And more important, it’s your gift to yourself.”

Drawing on my otherwise unused daily planner is the real joy

Coping with Waiting Strategy 3: Whatever it takes

I’m not going to be the person who reminds people to exercise and drink water. I remember once reading a self-help book that suggested getting on the floor and doing crunches every time I felt anxiety. I promptly threw that book across the room.

So. I cope on a day-to-day basis. Whatever works. Sometimes that means baking. Okay, a lot of baking. Today, Chocolate Eclair Cake. Last weekend, Raspberry Swirl Pound Cake. (Yes, it’s a Tori Amos reference. If you know, you know).

But also, it helps me to go for walks. Tarot cards and horoscopes. Yes and yes. I’m never more mystical than when I’m waiting for news.

Some days, it helps me to listen to positive music, like a pre-made “Good Vibes” playlist on Spotify, as cheesy as that might sound. Oh well. As Samantha Irby says, “I like it.”

(Go read “My Taste is Basic. So What?” which lit up my life this week. Then buy literally any book by Samantha Irby because she is hilarious and brilliant).

Enjoy whatever you enjoy and don’t judge yourself for it. That’s my coping strategy.

Alternate name: Raspberry “Crime Scene” Pound Cake

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Currently reading:

• The Radium Girls by Kate Moore

• The Marriage Portrait by Maggie O’Farrell

• Harbinger by Shelley Puhak

The best book I read recently is What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo and here’s a link to some of my other favorite books last month.

Note: I’m a Bookshop.org affiliate and may earn a small commission if you purchase through my links. Check out Bookshop.org and support independent bookstores.

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Wishing you all good news in your inboxes and clothes made from meat, if that’s your kind of thing.

Instagram recommended this for me. Seems legit.